Dispatches from the Front Lines of the New F!#*ing Normal

Sunday, January 6, 2013

I Got a Case of The Royal Babies

Her Royal Highness, Kate, The Duchess of Cornwall, is PREGGERS! (forgive the delayed post- I've been busy)

I know! I KNOW!!!!!! Let there be singing and dancing! Let the blind see and the lame be super hip!

Where were you the day the stork dropped this sweet dream in our laps!?
I was at work.  My friend Katie emailed me with the news.  A fwd email - her only indication something magnificent was happening being the, "!!!!!!!!" that preceded the CNN link.  And then I read it, an "official statement from the palace"..................
THE  motherf%$%  PALACE!

Now, I know the Queen thinks they did this for her. Or for the Country.  And I know Wills and Kate probably even believe they did it for themselves.  But I would like to thank the happy royal couple for giving me this royal baby. They did it for me. I totally needed this pregnancy. I've had a case of the Womps lately and  I need the bump watching, the maternity style, the gifts, the name games, the birth! The CHRISTENING!  I need them to dangle that kid from the balcony like Michael Jackson and Blanket. Well ....not just like that.  But I will need an unveiling and I hope they realize this.  I need it all. 

I also have to say that if George Michael could cover yet another Stevie Wonder Song to mark this monmumental event in the Royal Couple's journey, I would be eternally grateful and not eat cheese for 6 months as penance. I cried for a solid 6 weeks every day when he realeased "You and I" and went through a brief depression that Mark and I were married before Kate and Wills because I would have totally altered my wedding to go with the usage of that song.  Cathedral length veil. Choir of children.  REALLLLLLLY long aisle to walk down (it only took me about 10 seconds to walk down the one we used).  And I would've added like 15 names to Mark's name, "I take you, Mark Joseph Phillip Arthur George Melchior Bruce Benjamin Franklin Dixon...".  



But the question still remains: What are we going to do about Prince Williams' hair???
 



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