New Years and Nervous Breakdowns

With New Years come New Years resolutions.  An idea riddled with hope, angst and irritable bowel.  New Years Eve brings the hype the same way my mother brings the green bean casserole.  There's way too much of it and if you take it all in you feel like you're going to vomit.


And now with this New Year I've noticed more than ever the insults and the rudeness toward the masses of people determined to change, to better, to become, to grow.  The jokes by the MONSTER drinking, muscle heads that 'their' gym will be crowded, "at least for the next two weeks'. Sorry guys,  I guess there will be less room for you to grunt like a whiney little bitch and throw your weights down (the sign says you're not allowed, assholes!) after 2 sets of 1.  Back to the gym we go, wearing the new workout gear we got for Christmas- confident this will be the year we tackle six pack abs and forgiving that bitch our old boyfriends cheated on us with.  Oh...Is that just me?
I don't know about you...but this year I'm not letting a bag a dicks take the wind outta my sails.  I've got my reasons.

Through my Husband, my pretty posse their  illnesses and health struggles
and now my best friend's journey with cancer (that filthy bitch)  - it became so clear to me that I am on my path.  I am where I belong.  Following my personal passion to help and heal. Heading back to school to earn more nutrition certifications and my Reflexology license I feel at invigorated but also at peace.   I am so excited that 'health care' is on the track towards becoming what it has always needed to be, 'preventative medicine'.  Where the goal is to be healthy and prevent illness rather than have a health system that revolves around treating diseases not preventing them and pushing pills to baby the symptom and not get to the root of the problem.  I'm encouraged daily by what I see.  More people embracing all forms of healing and medicine.  I'm excited to be part of the revolution.  I only wish we were moving faster but I know we're moving. 

I also know I need to get moving.  Like, Olivia once belted, "lets get physical"
I recognize now more than ever that I must be both mentally and physically strong to fight the fight.  My guru and massage therapist Rob and I were knee deep in my cranial sacral therapy and my fear of gluten when he reminded me, "You need to be in better
shape to treat clients the way you want to everyday".  So simple and yet so sassy and profound.  just the kick in the ass I needed. 

but the shift is that this time instead of working out being a 'punishment' its the reward.  it's part of rewarding this body- my temple- for all it gives me everyday and giving back in so many ways.  Giving back to clients to heal and rejuvenate them. Giving back a healthy, sexy, happy wife to my husband. giving back to ME, dammit.  Who wants a case of the womps every time they look in the mirror! Who wants to be 27 and feel 72? Not I, said the cow.  I mean the GODDESS.  I forgot, Rachel and I promised we'd be kinder to ourselves this year.
woops.

bisous ox
jaclyn

I Got a Case of The Royal Babies

Her Royal Highness, Kate, The Duchess of Cornwall, is PREGGERS! (forgive the delayed post- I've been busy)

I know! I KNOW!!!!!! Let there be singing and dancing! Let the blind see and the lame be super hip!

Where were you the day the stork dropped this sweet dream in our laps!?
I was at work.  My friend Katie emailed me with the news.  A fwd email - her only indication something magnificent was happening being the, "!!!!!!!!" that preceded the CNN link.  And then I read it, an "official statement from the palace"..................
THE  motherf%$%  PALACE!

Now, I know the Queen thinks they did this for her. Or for the Country.  And I know Wills and Kate probably even believe they did it for themselves.  But I would like to thank the happy royal couple for giving me this royal baby. They did it for me. I totally needed this pregnancy. I've had a case of the Womps lately and  I need the bump watching, the maternity style, the gifts, the name games, the birth! The CHRISTENING!  I need them to dangle that kid from the balcony like Michael Jackson and Blanket. Well ....not just like that.  But I will need an unveiling and I hope they realize this.  I need it all. 

I also have to say that if George Michael could cover yet another Stevie Wonder Song to mark this monmumental event in the Royal Couple's journey, I would be eternally grateful and not eat cheese for 6 months as penance. I cried for a solid 6 weeks every day when he realeased "You and I" and went through a brief depression that Mark and I were married before Kate and Wills because I would have totally altered my wedding to go with the usage of that song.  Cathedral length veil. Choir of children.  REALLLLLLLY long aisle to walk down (it only took me about 10 seconds to walk down the one we used).  And I would've added like 15 names to Mark's name, "I take you, Mark Joseph Phillip Arthur George Melchior Bruce Benjamin Franklin Dixon...".  



But the question still remains: What are we going to do about Prince Williams' hair???
 

Dixon, Jaclyn Dixon. Agent 38D

People are usually shocked when I tell them how much I love James Bond movies. And I get it. To look at me, I scream, "romcom".  And I never met a Lifetime Original Movie that I didn't die for.  But there's something about 007- even though generally all of the explosives and gunfire tends to give me a case of the poops, I think it's super sexy and all of the misogynistic behavior and martinis remind me of my college days.

I don't know why but I just love the guns, the accents, the sex without showing anything! It's so friggin good and every time I watch them I walk away wondering, "what am I doing with my life? I really should be a spy!".  It's like how I genuinely take a solid 5 minutes to consider joining the army every. single. time. I watch Private Benjamin. But I digress.  Back to Bond. 

'Skyfall' was particularly magnificent.  And I was so anti-Daniel Craig I'd never even seen his first two installments but now I'm all about it which is ironic considering I'm pretty sure this was it for him.  But combine his abs and accent with Adele singing the title song in what seemed to me a  ode to Dame Shirley Bassey and the Bond ballads of yore, and I was puddy in Mr Dixon's hands afterwards despite the presence of an overly rowdy Indian family of 30 who felt it was entirely appropriate to bring 4 children under the age of 5 and my public declaration that I could, "feel my ovaries choking me".

This Bond was very dark.  And very Judy Dench and that's never a bad thing.  And just when I'd think it couldn't get any better, Ralph Fiennes showed up. And then Javier Bardem showed up. They double teamed me! I mean I was being repeatedly hit with a tranquilizer gun full of  Academy Award Winning sass and sex appeal and it was just a lot to deal with.  I'm predicting Oscar nominations for Javier and sweet Judy.  You heard it here first.

The Belt of St Paul

If you only knew how much I loved Linda Eder singing The Bells of St Paul.  You would know what it means to be in love.

I lose my shit every. single. time.

Also....I imagine that MY Christmas album cover would feature me, a cowl neck sweater, and a kidden.  Horses are great. But they're not kiddens.

The Chemical Peel

I couldn't be another holistic health so and so titling a blog, "Green Your Routine"...I'd have to slit my throat - and I'm hella busy and ain't nobody got time for that....
So, "The Chemical Peel" it is!

What I'm talking about today is peeling away at that onion of our traditional beauty routine...ridding ourselves of the toxicity that exists in so many mainstream products out there and finding a better way to stay sassy!  It's become something of an obsession of mine lately, when a few small efforts to make my regimen more au naturele yielded some divine results.  I was hooked and now I want more.  It's just like when I started watching The L Word and everyone thought I was a lesbian. Sort of.

below are some of my new necessities that...oh..fuck it,.... "green my routine":

• Organic Virgin Coconut Oil~

When I was in Santa Barbara this summer for my best friend's wedding (JULIA ROBERTS! JINX!) I noticed her sister dipping into a jar of coconut oil and using it as moisturizer.  I had heard tell of this but never saw real people putting it into play and my best friends sister is really pretty.  Like, really pretty. So naturally, I had that moment of, "if I use that maybe I will also have huge boobs and no stomach!".  Sadly...my breasts remain large...and my belly remains in charge.  BUT...well, BUTT, cellulite has noticeably stopped waging war on my soul and thighs and I shave less.  I used to have to shave my legs like every five seconds, I would step out of the shower and magically grow an inch of hair-I was a yeti.  But now, I'm more of a chia pet and I can get away with 2 days razor free and that's monumental.  The other thing I love about coconut oil is that a little goes a long way so one jar will likely see you through a very long period of time where as you generally have to replenish your moisturizer monthly,which can get costly- not to mention the fact that it basically works on EVERYTHING. In addition to moisturizer, it has also replaced those incredibly expensive (not to mention toxic) eye make up remover pads I used to buy constantly.  A little dab of coconut oil on a cotton ball or qtip and, "I'm a pretty girl, Mama".

But the best benefit without a doubt, is that when you use something all natural like coconut oil to cleanse and moisturize you're nourishing your skin - not filling open pores with toxic, cancer causing chemicals. And that's lovely because I don't know about you, but I'm le tired of le cancer.

• Jonathan Product Adds Moisture Conditioner/TJ MAXX~

This one's a double whammy.  TJ Maxx has been long adored by my friends and I and long loathed by my husband and our checking account.  I find things we never knew we needed there- hot pink velvet clothes hangers, ottomans, and most importantly tons of designer products for a fraction of the price (do you hear me calling, TJ?? Make me your next Maxxinista, immediately)!  When I stumbled upon Jonathan Product for $7 f'ing bucks during my last pilgrimage, I gasped loudly and immediately text the photographic evidence to my sister.  We were devotees of Jonathan's during the Bravo BLOWOUT days. A reality tv epic that stole our hearts and made us long for a male hairdresser to call our own, but even if we couldn't have Jonathan, at least we could have his products. Jonathan's products are, "FREE of sulfates, parabens, phthalates, gluten and mineral oil. 100% vegan*  Everything your hair needs, nothing it doesn't"  I love this product- but oddly not as a conditioner.  Ya know what I use this for?  That's right. The yeti leg hair!  This is so soothing to my sensitive, irish gams - and just like da coconuts, a little Jonathan goes a long way. That sounds kinda dirty. And I like it.

• A Fiercely, Functional Haircut

One thing I strive to teach my children, (Savannah and the kiddens) is that some costly purchases are well worth the investment. Chanel Sunglasses, DVF luggage, cashmere, and of course, your hair.  Even when I was a poor, college co-ed (adored by Manhattan Real Estate Brokers, FDNY, NYPD and a train conductor or two) I was always sure to set aside $5 to buy my first drink every weekend, and about $250 to maintain clean ends and the perfect honey blonde every 2 months.  Never let it be said that I didn't have my priorities in order.

When you have the right stylist and colorist it can solve a shit ton of problems but when the person maintaining your coif has you coming and going every few weeks because you wash your hair once and see roots then you are being played.  If your color is smart and your cut is sassy you can make it last and save some dough.  My Colorist, Miki, from Thunder Salon in Philadelphia is so choice.  I literally want to be her.  I not only look forward to our visits because there is a La Calombe coffee right next door, but more so because Miki is as delightful as she is talented ....and that's a whole lotta delight.  I have walked in there pre-menstrual and begging for change and Miki has talked me down and found the right low lights that give me enough of an update without dyeing it fire engine red as I am apt to initially proclaim I want to do.  (Miki also cuts beautifully!) Thunder Salon 110 South 19th Street  Philadelphia, PA 19103
(215) 563-2665

And then there is my Stylist.  Yes, I'm a hair hopper.  I go one place for color and one place for cut.  This is right for me you guys, and everyone's in the loop so no need to call Maury.

For my cut I go to Jenna at Verde Salon.  Jenna makes me want to write a Lifetime movie called, "My Stylist;My Lover".  She is like a unicorn with scissors and is perhaps the one stylist I feel like I could say, "do whatever you want" and I know I would be  happy with anything she created.  I used to be a lunatic about my hair...I mean it's still my thing but I now can leave the house with a wet head and not feel like its the apocalypse. And I'm sure that's also a result of much emotional work, meditations and affirmations but it's also because Jenna gives me a cut that no matter what I do, air dry, curl, straight, put it up- it looks good.  It's wild.  And that's how it should be.  She tells me the truth and doesn't talk me into $750 worth of shit I don't need.  Jenna don't play like that. And neither do I.  We are soul mates.  http://verdesalon.com/

• The Pits

OK.  Now don't judge me for this. But I don't shave my armpits anymore.  Well...I do.  But like once every two weeks.  When we shave we are opening up our pores in a serious way.  How many of you shave your pits and then promptly douse on antiperspirant? Right! I did too.  And I was constantly having violent reactions to the chemicals.  Scratching my armpits until they bled. And feeling pretty lousy in general.  I tried switching to natural deodorants but about 3 hours after I would apply them I would smell like a hoagie and I knew they weren't working.  I had some success with a crystal that you wet with water and rub around there but again....6 hours later...hoagie time.  My alternative?  I stopped shaving.  Not only do I find that this has greatly improved my bodies' chemistry (perhaps the lack of all those chemicals going right into my lymph system) but I sweat less there and the need for deodorant is a dwindling'!    I use a teeny tiny bit maybe once a day- again don't judge- that's all I need.  I shave once every two weeks when I see that look in my Husband's eye that says "I would like to have sex tonight without you keeping your arms at your sides" and that's when I use the rock crystal but the next day when I'm beastly again, a lil dab does me.  Now look, this is all me.  No one told me to do this.  I didn't read about it anywhere.  I don't think there's been any scientific study done to prove that this is good or bad for you.  All I know is the positive effect its had on me physically and emotionally.  I'm a big believer in taking control of your own health and being your own best preventative medicine.  Do what you can....things that can basically only help, not hurt you.  Not shaving my armpits in an effort to prevent chemicals from entering my bod is not hurting me.  And maybe it's helping me.
Now.  Take that look off your face and stop shaving your armpits!

• smelly and safe

No, this is not a follow up to the ballad of the unshaven armpit.  It's more of an ode to the eau.
When I started sifting through my products to see where I could start making changes that really matter it was really hard for me to own up to the idea that my perfume addiction was particularly toxic to my body.  I love perfume and I'm kind of a freak when it comes to it.  I can smell someone and almost instantly know what they're wearing.  But I read this article in my favorite liberal bias media outlet, The Huffington Post and realized sniffing people is not only a fun guessing game but it's probably also giving me cancer. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/samuel-s-epstein/toxic-chemicals_b_625648.html  So, I resolved to make that the next layer taken off on my chemical peel.  Trouble is, it's really hard to find an all natural perfume that doesn't smell like some mix of patchouli and b.o. - that's why during a recent stroll through the health and beauty aisle of the South Street Whole Foods, I was dazzled to snort this, http://www.loveandtoast.com/ ! And even more thrilled when my Husband liked the way it waffed.  We almost never agree on fragrances for me.  I'm my own woman but I always like the idea that the perfume I wear is attractive and seductive to my significant other's senses so this was a total win/win for the Dixons.  Its safe, its smelly, it's sexy.  I lerve it. 


So my little Lymphonistas! That's the beginning...and please let me know how you've started to peel away at the layers of a previously toxic beauty routine! I'd love to hear from you.

Bisous!
JKD

Friends Don't Let Friends Hurt

Sometimes when I start to ask, "why?" I feel so sick to my stomach.  And it's not a question of , "can I cry?" it's only a question of, "if I start, will I ever stop?"

My best friend is not supposed to hurt.  Not anymore.  She has hurt enough.  She was a good kid.  She is a good person.  She always has been.  And good people don't deserve this bull shit.

I was a horrible kid.  I have been a horrible person some times.  I didn't make the smart, responsible choices she consistently did.  I didn't know my own credit score until I was 22.  And it was only because SHE showed me.  I risked and was asshole-y to the 9th power our whole lives.  And I should be sick.  I should hurt for her.  I wore bras with underwire in them when we were obnoxious, angst ridden teens because I wanted my boobs to look big in my sleep.  "that causes breast cancer" she would tell me.  And sometimes I would think to myself, "well Marilyn Monroe did it and she died of a drug overdose (or Kennedy inflicted coma).  Not breast cancer" and then other times I would just take off the bra and let my bug bite sized boobs take a break.

I should have this.  I have a really strong constitution.  Well...I don't.   But I will!  I will if it means she won't have to hurt. I will if it means my friend stays unharmed. I will.  I want to.  I would rather.  And I can't.  And it isn't fair.  There is nothing about it that could ever be fair.  And I can't make enough soups.  I can't order enough presents.  I can't write enough cards. I can't make it go away. 

I can't. And it isn't fair.

Sandy my darlin, you hurt me real bad.

Sophomore year of High School I ate lunch at a table full of nice Jewish boys.  They were dorky but super cute, they thought I was funny, and we all shared a love of satiric comedy and good deli.  A few days ago one of them (they're now all Lawyers) made an wise, if not also obvious observation,

"As I'm watching almost my entire group of friends and family in NJ and NY have to deal with the mess of hurricane Sandy may I make just one observation: over a period of 48 to 72 hours we saw a category one hurricane merge into a tropical storm system forming a weather system designated as a "superstorm" which now stands as the largest Atlantic hurricane on record based on diameter. Then after ca

using violent flooding, gale force winds and some of the largest storm surges ever recorded this superstorm merged into a winter storm system creating blizzard like conditions (a rare weather phenomenon known as the Fujiwhara effect). Maybe it's time we have collectively have that conversation regarding the impact we're having on on the global climate because after the variety of extreme weather events hitting the northeast over the past few years (think snowtober, hurricane irene) I have a feeling that somewhere Al Gore is muttering to himself, "told you so". " - Lee Licata

 

Lee said it better than I could have hoped to.  Now I'm not saying that right now is the moment to have the debate about global warming......though that debate should be had and preferably before the next earthquake hits new jersey....

 

No, now is a time to come together- as many of us already have- and take care of your neighbor.  Take a moment to be grateful for what you have, of course, but move FORWARD and turn that gratitude into giving.  Everyone can do something.  Everyone can give something.  It doesn't have to be money.  We have homeless in this country who had nothing to start, now they have nothing and are soaking wet, freezing cold and many are forgotten.  We have retirees who thought now was the time to sit back and relax who are literally picking up the pieces.  We can help them! The clean up can begin and the problems can be solved much faster if we are working together as a global family. 

 

I do not think it is a coincidence that at a time when the elections and the disgust brought about by politics had so many ready to fight their brothers and sisters- the earth washed over us quite literally and a great storm has now brought the family back to the communal table to set aside differences and work together to heal.  You don't have to believe in religion to believe in miracles.  The miracle is happening.  But it should not take tidal waves to create bipartisanship - we should not need death and despair to care for others.  But here we are.  So what do we do now?  Care more. Love more. Hold tight and help your family.  Meet the brothers and sisters you never knew you had and help them because the change starts with us and we are in the middle of a huge movement and a powerful time.

 

Will you harness this power and change the world? Because you can.